Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Me and my recliner go way back.
I just got a gig as lead singer for my car.
Oh I can walk the walk. Just don't ask me to jog the jog or run the run.
The curtains were drawn, but the rest of the room was real.
Someone stole my bike. I called the cops and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.
I wish I knew where I stored my old turntable. Just for my records.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
I think I'm emotionally constipated because I haven't given a crap in days.
Diet tip: Your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any.