Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Do you know where Captain Hook bought his hook?
At the second hand store.
I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...
I don’t care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe!
Sometimes I question my sanity, but the unicorn in the kitchen told me I'm good.
I'm confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living
I got my shot for Shingles today. Just to be safe, l also got one for Vinyl Siding too!
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Pro tip: Bakeries don't check ID's so you can buy a birthday cake whenever you want!
When does hibernation start? Because I'm 100% participating in that!!
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
For years there's been talk about getting rid of the US penny and they finally did it! Some people are just afraid of change.