Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Me: I need to be productive.
My computer: Time for a software update!

You'd be amazed how often
I'm wrong when people say "guess what?"

My dentist just told me
I need a crown.....
I know, right??

I'm the reason they have to mute voice chat in multiplayer.

Lazy is such an ugly word.
I prefer selective participation.

No one goes before their time,
unless the boss leaves early.

We never really mature as we age.
We only learn how to act in public.

I need a six month vacation, twice a year.

I call todays hairstyle 'I tried'

Think like a proton. Always positive.