Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
My friend composes ditties about sewing machines. She's a singer songwriter
When you said friends with benefits, I assumed you meant health and dental.
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could have done for him.
When I was fired from my job as a stage designer, I just left without making a scene.
I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.
My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.
Isn't the grand canyon just gorges?
How long does it take to get through a labyrinth? A minotaur two.