Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

I made a huge to-do list today. I just need to figure out who's going to do it.

Here I am! What are your other two wishes?

Life is a bowl of soup, and I'm a fork.

I wrote a review for a pair of underwear yesterday. It was brief.

Do I play any dangerous sports you ask? I sometimes disagree with my wife.

You know you are in the coolest biology class ever if your homework eats your dog

The cashiers around here keep checking me out.

I tried to take a high resolution picture of a wheat field but it came out grainy.

I named my dogs Rolex and Timex. They are my watch dogs.